Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Hug and Release

Dearest Readers,

I only have a couple of more days before school, theater, and various other obligations will consume my time, so I'm taking advantage of it by giving you a much needed update. :)

Happy 2015! This new year holds much change for my family and I. I'm not always a big fan of change, even if I know it's going to be a good thing. I hold on to my people, these moments, tightly, and with both hands. Sometimes it's a good thing--like when I left Argentina, I knew I had held on to every second so tightly that I couldn't have possibly missed a moment. It gave me satisfaction knowing I had cherished every.single.second to its fullest.

Sometimes, though, I take it too far. When I was little, I used to hug for so long my mom had to say, "Hug and release!" as a verbal reminder for me not to tackle my victim friend. Haha. I'm still like that in so many ways. God gives me something good, and I get so excited about it that I clench it up so tightly  it doesn't have any chance of escaping my grasp. Until He decides its time for that friend to move, or that chapter to end, or time for me to go to college. Somehow He wrenches what I've been holding so tightly and takes it back.

I've been excited about beginning the room mate search. I shortened my biography down to the required characters and emailed a couple of girls all in one day. I had a lovely correspondence with one, and despite finding out that she will most likely be rooming with a friend, got excited about meeting her when I got to campus. I was excited and kept checking my email.

My enthusiasm sort of fizzled out after I told my best friend I was going to Mississippi for college. It was like all of a sudden I was reminded of the bitter in the bittersweet of 2015 and all of its change. Until Monday, I hadn't checked my email in weeks.

I decided to log in on Monday, though, and was surprised to find a couple of  emails from girls looking for room mates. One even read my blog (if you're out there, hi, Lauren! :)), which totally touched my heart.

It's all a little overwhelming, to tell you the truth. It's being so excited for the future one moment, and so very sad at the end of this chapter the next. It's desperately needing friendships to be unchanged, but knowing that I can't make things stay exactly the same no matter how tight my grasp is. It's my heart swelling with the excitement of a new adventure and moving to my parents' home that I've always loved. It's wondering how sweet a long distance friendship might be and how cherished the reunions would become? It's figuring out where it's acceptable to go without makeup on in MS, because in AZ it's pretty much a free for all and my sweatpants really enjoy their freedom. :)

I'm so thankful for 2014. And 2013. And all of the past nine years that I have spent in Arizona, with its beautiful sunsets and so many loved ones. I'm so thankful for 2015. I know I will cram it with many, many memories in this state. I also know it will begin to fill up with new adventures and memories from Mississippi, and they'll be just as beautiful and precious. My prayer for this year is that I stop clutching each moment for dear life, and am able to cherish each moment with open hands that accept the fact that I am not in control. I know this year I'm going to have a gentle voice in my head telling me to "release". I never liked hearing that as a child, and I'm not going to like it now. But you know what? That release just means there's another hug coming later.

His plans are so much greater than any we could imagine. I know that's said a lot in church, and so you might have read that without even a thought, but take a moment to imagine that it's true. I know it might not seem like it in your present circumstances, but His plans include so many unseen things and a beautiful eternity that we can't even contemplate. He is good.

What is your prayer for this new year? I'm praying for you to have many cherished moments and peace in the knowledge that God is always in control.

Happy New Year! Feliz Año Nuevo!

Yours always,