I sincerely hope you won't tire of hearing me talk about Cinderella; because I just can't seem to stop! It truly is amazing, and I hold true to the fact that God is changing hearts and performing miracles. However, I wanted to share a story with you, and a lesson I learned as a result.
There are these precious little girls in ballet who have wanted to dance all their lives. Yet they have had to sit and watch friend after friend in performance after performance dance and twirl on stage; and they were never given the chance. For some, it is the fact that they can't walk and so are in wheelchairs, others have autism, and still others are emotionally abused. And there are others who, like my brother, can walk but (due to their special need) don't have the balance it takes to dance, or even to walk across the room without falling. There is one sweet little girl in the performance, I'll call her "Sophia". And on the first day of class, I was caught up in helping one of the little girls learn to navigate her wheelchair around tiny toes, when suddenly Sophia burst into tears. She said she couldn't do it; she just couldn't dance. And Mrs.Caroline (our amazing teacher) took her into her arms and held her as she changed the dance routine into something that would fit her abilities. And let me add- this little girl is one of the most beautiful ballerinas I have ever seen. Her joy is palpable, and her face is radiant.
Now, I am always by her side at practices, just holding her hand to catch her when she falls. And she has learned that, holding my hands, she can jump up in the air like the other girls, and you should see her giggle when she does! However, I can't be holding her on stage, because as Cinderella, I have to watch their beautiful performance from the side. Of course, if any one needs me I will be there, but I just won't be included in the dance every second.
I also will not be there next weekend, because we will be in Mississippi. So when I told Sophia that, she said it wasn't okay, because she didn't know what would happen if she fell. Oh. My. Heart. I nearly told her I would stay; that it would be okay, I would be there. But I knew I couldn't. And so, I talked with the teacher about finding someone who could stand in for me at the performance.
Okay- that is probably the hardest thing you could ask me to do. Really, I don't want to hand over this little girl to a person who I have no idea if she will encourage and uplift while helping her. It's eating at me; I feel so responsible for her, and I love her so much my heart aches. If she were to leave that stage feeling any less than the beautiful ballerina she is I would never forgive myself.
And so, I just prayed. I've prayed today when I needed to study, because this is on my mind heavily. And I felt like God had no idea what I was feeling-- how many times has He taught a ballet class to a group of kids with special needs? And then I realized that He knew exactly what I was going through.....
Jesus was on earth, teaching and loving everyone with Him. But He had to go to Heaven- it was better that way. So He left all of His sheep. He called Himself their shepherd- He loved them that much. And yet He had to leave them with people who He knew couldn't do the job like He could. He had to go and help from afar- the other side of the stage, if you will. That's what I have to do with little Sophia. I have to let her go to one end of the stage, and I to the other. I have to entrust her in someone else's hands. I have to let go, and pray she doesn't fall. Oh, what a hard task for my heart!
But knowing that my Jesus understands brought so much relief. I can cry over this all night long, and yet have that peace that Jesus understands. He knows what I'm going through and is crying with me. And that goes for all things- whatever you're going through, please remember that God understands- that's why He came to earth! To better know and love us. What a gift He is! I can't feel more thankful to my King. Although my heart longs for Him to walk with me where I can see Him, hug Him, physically hear Him tell me where to go, I know it's better for me this way.
And I know that Sophia is going to be beautiful, with or without my hand. Because God understands not only how I'm feeling, but also how she's feeling. And He is going to show her how beautiful she is- how her beautifully different twirls make Him smile with joy. And I know His hands are going to guide her, just like they guided me to the remembrance of what He went through for me. I know He won't let her fall.
My dear Readers, I needed to write this for me, to let out all my feelings. But I felt like it would be a good lesson for you to see how even though Sophia has fallen, she gets back up and keeps trying. If she can, you have no reason to sit in pity for yourself and not pull yourself back up. Don't be ashamed to fall- it's the people who fall and still hold on to Jesus we all look up to. I would rather fall to His arms than go my whole life standing up far from Him. Also, remember that Jesus knows every feeling and thought you have; so don't run from Him! He understands and wants to comfort you if you'll only let Him in. The peace that follows will be refreshing, and allow you to love Him even deeper than before. He is my life, He is your life- in every aspect. Not just when you celebrate His birth or go to church. In all things.
Your blogger who is not afraid to fall,