Last week was hard. Mom and Benjamin were in the hospital, and being away from them was really difficult. Yesterday Benjamin came home. It honestly is such a relief to be all together again. I'm so so grateful. But this week is still very difficult. Benjamin is in a lot of pain when he sits in his wheelchair, and it is just excruciating to see him in such pain.
Since the surgery I've felt the exact way I've known I would feel since finding out about it. I've felt like a complete idiot for signing up to go to Argentina next Thursday. I really can't even tell you how much I missed my Mom while she was in the hospital with Benjamin. And I got to see her everyday! How on earth am I going to be able to leave the country for ten days without her?? I've been pretty freaked out thinking about it, and have done a really great job ignoring the fact that I'm leaving soon by burying my head in Maeve Binchy's books. But I'm leaving on Thursday whether I believe that fact or keep on pretending I'm not.
I go through moments where I'm really excited to hug everyone and hear Spanish and be back in that country. But when I see Benjamin in pain like this and think about how much I missed Mom in the hospital I really feel pretty stupid and scared.
But today God showed me in a couple of neat ways that He knows how I feel.
One of my Mom's dear friends sent me a package in the mail today. It contained a precious little cross bracelet and a note telling me that this was just a token to help me remember that she and many others will be wrapping me in prayer while in Argentina. How sweet is that? And what a sweet reminder from God that He's in control.
On my way to the mailbox, another of our dear friends was picking Cate up to take her to her swim team practice. She told me that her mom told her once that when we do something that God is telling us to do, but that we don't want to do, that's when He blesses us the most. Wow. I could have cried right then...
And then when I got in from walking to get the mail (when it rains it pours! ;)) I saw I had gotten a message on Facebook from my dear Aunt Nina, who is a missionary in Mexico. It was a precious note of encouragement telling me she was praying for me as the trip nears.
I'm so blessed. I find it incredible that He cares enough about me to orchestrate all these kind acts of encouragement today. Yeah, I'm still scared and I know I'll probably doubt myself more as next Thursday approaches. But today my heart was really encouraged. And instead of worrying about what I'll do on Thursday, and Friday, and Saturday, etc.,etc., I think I'm going to just rest in the fact that today is okay. And that God is near and will be in control the entire time I'm in Argentina, as well.
Thank you, dear friends, for the support and encouragement you've blessed us with this summer. We cherish your prayers and love. Please don't stop! We have a long way to go and appreciate every prayer.
And I leave you with a quote from Maeve Binchy's Firefly Summer that I loved; "Nothing was what we expected things to be like. But we've survived, and we'll go on surviving."