You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild
And I would blossom like a flower in the desert
But for now just let me cry
You could raise me like a banner in the battle
Put victory like fire behind my shining eyes
And I would drift like falling snow over the embers
But for now just let me lie
Set me like a star before the morning
Like a sun that steals the darkness from a world asleep
And I'll illuminate the path You've laid before me
But for now just let me be
So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me
Those are the lyrics to a song called "Show Me" by Audrey Assad. I had trouble making sense of it at first, but a couple of nights ago its meaning hit me. Or at least my interpretation of it, any way. God used it to speak to my heart!
This is my take on this song:
God can use us in so many different ways, as the song says. (Blossom like a flower...banner in the battle...star before the morning...) But sometimes we just need to be still and and be in Him. (but for now just let me be...God, just stay with me) Sometimes our hearts are just craving Him--so we need to slow down and give in! Sometimes we can't just run around serving...because we need to drink in His love first. Yes, during the hour you spend reading your Bible, He could be using you to serve...but in that moment you need to rest and learn. Ecclesiastes 3 says there is a time for everything...a time to be silent and a time to speak...a time to weep and a time to laugh...
This song and verse spoke to me on so many different levels. Sometimes I don't want to joke around with anyone, I just need to be alone and cry. Other times I don't want anyone to ask me about these surgeries...I just want to laugh and forget about it. But this verse says there is a time for everything--laughing and crying, joy and fear. I'm so thankful that there is. Because sometimes you just need to cry out to God. And sometimes you just need to goof off!
I took this month off from volunteering due to Benjamin's surgery. And so as I listened to this song the other night I realized how I have needed to spend time just focusing on Him. I needed to stop serving for a little while and confront my own fears and emotions and let God take them. I like to shove all of my problems way down deep and turn all of my attentions to the orphans or volunteering or whatever He's recently placed on my heart. It has been good for me to just lay down and drink Him in.
I'm trying to be with God, figuring out that He really is faithful in everything. That is a really good place to be in, y'all.
I won't lie. I kind of want to lock the doors to our house and not let anyone in sometimes. But we can't do that. And, honestly, we would miss out if we did. Sometimes my inner-hermit comes out though, especially during surgeries. :)
A friend of mine had some hard medical news this week. She called to give us an update, and despite all that she was going through at that moment, she took the time to pray for ME and MY family. She ministered to my on-the-verge-of-tears heart even though her own was sad. Even though surgeries make me never want to talk to anyone...I know I can't do that. Because God's plan IS to raise me up.
He has a lot of people needing to hear of His Love...and we are called to show His Love. We can't just spend all of our time "Drinking in" and none "giving out". And if we lock the doors to our house, just us and the Bible, then we will be the only people profiting from it!
James 2:14-17 says this: "What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead."
Dead. Faith without works is dead. I don't want to hold all of this goodness in to myself! That would be worse that baking Amish friendship bread without giving it to your neighbors! I want to drink in and be filled...only to go give it all out again.
So I am going to be with God right now...I am going to try to savor these moments where He grows me and stretches me by hard things. But I am also going to go out and feed His sheep.
What about you? I encourage you to go encourage someone else this week, no matter if you yourself are going through a hard time.
P.S.--my parents and Benjamin are currently on the plane to the Frozen Tundra, aka Minnesota. He has surgery tomorrow...and we so appreciate your prayers!!