"Do you need anything?"

Dear Readers,

Have you ever been asked that question? Have you ever been the asker?
I know I have seen both ends of that question before, mostly during "surgery summers". Both positions are equally awkward.

The one being asked the question often has no clue as to how to answer. Do you say, "No, thanks" even though you're drowning in laundry and desperate for companionship? Do you agree to let them help, proceeding to hand over your to-do list that's a mile long?

The Asker, on the other hand, probably fumbled around and came up with this question in the midst of a "There's nothing I can do to make this better" moment. This question comes from a sincere heart--one that wants to help, but just isn't sure how.

So there you are, two friends trying to discern what the other wants to hear. Two friends and a very loud silence as you try to figure out what comes next.

I would like to pause this little scene and speak to both the asker and the one on the receiving end.

To the Asker, I would say this:
Throw that question away and forget it was ever part of your vocabulary. I'm entirely serious. I understand where you're coming from, I do. After all, you can't know whether your friend really wants you to come over when she doesn't feel well or has a sick child to care for. And if you have never experienced what your friend is going through, you really don't know what they need.

Despite your great intentions, this is not the question to use. If your friend has just had some major life deal,  they are going to need something. Assuming your friend needs something is the first step.

Questions to use instead: "How can I help?"
                                         "What can I do?"
Or, leaving less room for refusal: "I'm free tomorrow. Can I come over and bring lunch? Can I help with laundry? Can I do your dishes?" etc.,etc.,etc.

Isn't it easy to see how these questions are different? "Do you need anything?" is detached, a quick Facebook comment, nothing binding you to do anything--you leave it entirely in your friend's court. The words 'what' and 'how' seem to attach a commitment to the question. I like the last one best, because although surprise visits aren't a good idea in these situations, that has the same feel as a surprise visit--you made the decision to do it all on your own, your friend didn't have to ask you to do anything.

Next I would like to speak to the receiver of the question:
Although I hope your friend has already forgotten that question entirely, this is what I would like to tell you for facing that question again:

Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Your friend did just offer their help, and no matter how the question was worded, I believe they are concerned for you. So let them help. Don't feel embarrassed to admit that you really just need a nap and would appreciate their coming over to watch the kids, or to say you would love some companionship but don't feel like talking.

Honestly, Readers, the most important thing I wish to impart to you here is not even about those questions. Really, it's about loving one another with a love that knows no limits. My Mom and I are reading Bob Goff's book Love Does. The book is comprised of story after story of big, wide open love. Love that thinks of the other person first--such as a newlywed leaving his new bride and home to help a lost teenager get back on track. (That has been my favorite story of the book so far :))

That story left me wondering whether I would do the same thing. It's so easy to instead give out the easy kind of love, the love that asks if you need anything instead of just doing. Let's transform our love into a kind of love that does. A kind of love that jumps in and gives everything away in an effort to love a little bit like the way God loves us.

How has someone loved you in a way that helped get you through a difficult time?

Your Blogger,
 Claire

The little things

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted,but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." ~2 Corinthians 4:7-9 

I love this passage. Lately I've been struggling with, as Roger Arnett would say, the "great burden of grief that rests upon this world".  Coming right out of Benjamin's recovery and my mission trip to Argentina, I've had this 'great burden' on the forefront of my mind and heart. 

This world is a broken, bleeding mess. It's painful to be here, and everyone who resides on planet earth feels that pain at some point or other in their lives. 

I wish that weren't true, but it is. And so what can we do? There's no solution to the problem of pain. No matter how hard we work someone will always be crying, somewhere in the world. 

There is something we can do, though. 

We can love each other through the struggles. We can walk with one another through the hard times. There's nothing better to do, in my opinion. 

This surgery and recovery season there have been many dear ones who have supported us. Sent messages of encouragement during the six months of stress and fear prior to Benjamin's surgery...ate our dozens of cookies that spelled out 'joy' in our effort to keep our joy...brought meals...and called. Called. I have to say, out of everything people did this season, the one that made the biggest impact to me was the calls. Those friends who called during Benjamin's recovery and hospitalization were such gifts. One friend in particular called the day he came home from the hospital. This is one of the hardest days for me, personally, because although I'm over the moon thrilled that we are all together again, it's usually one of the most painful days for Benjamin/Mason. And that's hard. Really hard. 

So my friend called. And she got it. She knows what surgeries and recoveries are like, and so we were able to just talk about things I wouldn't be able to talk to any other friend about, and we laughed. And I walked in from that call feeling so refreshed. After just a phone call. It was a blessing. So thank you to those friends who called. 

(So if ever you have a friend who has surgery, or whose sibling has surgery, remember to reach out and make a phone call! )

But I'm kind of getting off track here...I was thinking about how we don't always support one another when we should. I wanted to tell that story to show you an example of someone trying to make the burden (going back to the great burden of grief here! ;)) lighter to carry. I think it is truly a beautiful thing when we consider the trials others could be going through, and so decide to lift them up instead of tearing them down. I think that is part of what makes the difference between us being perplexed, but not in despair... persecuted but not abandoned...struck down but not destroyed. 

It takes effort to do that, though. You have to make an effort to be conscientious to the people around you. I went on my mission trip to Argentina pretty raw, I know. Most of the trip was wonderful and refreshing, truly it was. But there were moments that were tough. I knew going into it that leaving the country with a group of high schoolers right after Benjamin's surgery might make for some difficult moments because, well, I'm  really really really sensitive after surgeries. And so some sarcastic quips had me in tears. Seriously. Jokes, teasing remarks that were funny to everyone else, made me cry. I know no one meant to be malicious. They couldn't have known that I was emotionally exhausted from six months of worry. But it did hurt. I'm sure that I, too, have been guilty of not paying attention to the emotions of others before. I think we all need to start making a big effort to do so. It would change the world. 

What else makes a difference, gives us hope to keep going despite the trials? 

^" Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." ~2 Corinthians 4:16-18

That's what gives us hope. What we see here--the pain, tears, sadness--this is temporary. So let's not lose heart. And let's try to encourage others to not lose heart, as well. 

Your Blogger,

 Claire

Thankful.

Dear Readers,
 
 Last week was hard. Mom and Benjamin were in the hospital, and being away from them was really difficult. Yesterday Benjamin came home. It honestly is such a relief to be all together again. I'm so so grateful. But this week is still very difficult. Benjamin is in a lot of pain when he sits in his wheelchair, and it is just excruciating to see him in such pain.

Since the surgery I've felt the exact way I've known I would feel since finding out about it. I've felt like a complete idiot for signing up to go to Argentina next Thursday. I really can't even tell you how much I missed my Mom while she was in the hospital with Benjamin. And I got to see her everyday! How on earth am I going to be able to leave the country for ten days without her?? I've been pretty freaked out thinking about it, and have done a really great job ignoring the fact that I'm leaving soon by burying my head in Maeve Binchy's books. But I'm leaving on Thursday whether I believe that fact or keep on pretending I'm not.

I go through moments where I'm really excited to hug everyone and hear Spanish and be back in that country. But when I see Benjamin in pain like this and think about how much I missed Mom in the hospital I really feel pretty stupid and scared.

But today God showed me in a couple of neat ways that He knows how I feel.

One of my Mom's dear friends sent me a package in the mail today. It contained a precious little cross bracelet and a note telling me that this was just a token to help me remember that she and many others will be wrapping me in prayer while in Argentina. How sweet is that? And what a sweet reminder from God that He's in control.

On my way to the mailbox, another of our dear friends was picking Cate up to take her to her swim team practice. She told me that her mom told her once that when we do something that God is telling us to do, but that we don't want to do, that's when He blesses us the most. Wow. I could have cried right then...

And then when I got in from walking to get the mail (when it rains it pours! ;)) I saw I had gotten a message on Facebook from my dear Aunt Nina, who is a missionary in Mexico. It was a precious note of encouragement telling me she was praying for me as the trip nears.


I'm so blessed.  I find it incredible that He cares enough about me to orchestrate all these kind acts of encouragement today. Yeah, I'm still scared and I know I'll probably doubt myself more as next Thursday approaches. But today my heart was really encouraged. And instead of worrying about what I'll do on Thursday, and Friday, and Saturday, etc.,etc., I think I'm going to just rest in the fact that today is okay. And that God is near and will be in control the entire time I'm in Argentina, as well.


Thank you, dear friends, for the support and encouragement you've blessed us with this summer. We cherish your prayers and love. Please don't stop! We have a long way to go and appreciate every prayer.

And I leave you with a quote from Maeve Binchy's Firefly Summer that I loved; "Nothing was what we expected things to be like. But we've survived, and we'll go on surviving."
Your Blogger,
 Claire

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

Dear Readers,
   Benjamin is having his spine surgery this morning. Would you please be praying for both he and my family during this time? I appreciate it more than words can convey.

I've been worrying over this surgery ever since we learned about it right before Christmas, and tried my hardest to pretend it wasn't even happening. But sticking your head in the sand isn't exactly the best thing to do when it is the day of the surgery.

As the title suggests,  I took a note from Maria (from the wonderful musical The Sound of Music) on what to do with myself today.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad, 
I simply remember 
my favorite things
and then I don't feeel so bad!

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens 
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things! 

That song is definitely counted as one of my favorite things, and it made me decide to wait to look at all of my pictures from Seussical the Musical and Disneyland until today. Maybe then I won't feel so bad! ;)

But let me say one more thing before pictures...Last night, after dinner at one of Benjamin's favorite restaurants, we went to see Moezart's select cast of Seussical. And right before the wonderful show began, Steve (our director and President of Moezart Productions) started speaking. He dedicated the show to Benjamin! Really, so neat. 

I thought it was the coolest thing. But it was more than that. That (and all of the people coming up to him telling him they were praying for him) really made me feel so supported. Kids were telling him they were going to bring movies over to watch while he recovered, and they meant it. Surgeries can be so isolating, but last night was really encouraging. The fact that we have this community of support and love truly blesses my heart. The fact that these people care touches me. I'm so, so thankful for this group of people. 

Sweet friends!

Yertle the Turtle, Mr.Mayor, a Who, and...Cate!

Benjamin picked a shirt and we all matched for one day. It was unbelievable the amount of comments we got!! So fun!!

Mom took this and I just love it!!

This picture took forever to get...

 Goofing off...

Here I am outside the bakery, purchase in hand
...isn't it lovely?

I bought these at a sweet little Mexican bakery...and ordered in Spanish! I was so excited I carried them around all day. Sadly, they weren't too good. But it was all about the experience!

Pluto reaaaally wanted to come with us! Bless his heart!!

All right, I'm ready to go back to Disneyland now...:) 

Thank you for reading, and thank you again for your prayers, dear ones!! Your Blogger,
 Claire

My thoughts

My brothers and I have all gotten the chance to speak to some of my uncle's ASU classes about disabilities. I spoke once on being the sibling, and the boys have continued to go back to the classroom even after Uncle Len was graduated. In these classes, the boys talk about their CP and share about their experiences (good and bad) in public school, to hopefully encourage these future educators and give them knowledge for when they have special needs students in the classroom. Oftentimes these students ask personal questions, some goofy, some serious. One that's often asked of them goes along the lines of "If you could get rid of your disability, would you?" 

I really don't like this question. It makes me angry because there is no possibility of ever getting rid of it in this life, and so why dwell on that fact? One of my all time favorite quotes is by Corrie ten Boom and it says "There are no what-ifs in God's Kingdom".  The boys have CP, there's no way to reverse that fact, let's move on and not focus on what could have been. 

Sitting in the back of the classroom, I hear that question and think about what a physical and emotional drain Cerebral Palsy is to my parents. And I think about my brothers' pain after surgeries. And I want to scream at the back of that head who asked the question "Well what do YOU think?!? YEAH we would get rid of it! DUH! Did you not just listen to all of their struggles in public school? USE YOUR BRAIN!" 

But that isn't how my brothers answer the question. They say no, they wouldn't change it, because it's helped shape them into who they are. 

What? That wasn't my answer. That's not what I'm thinking. Don't they see how stupid the question is? Aren't they as angry as I am? No? They aren't? hmm....

Deep down in my heart, I agree with my brothers. Trials make you stronger, and because of CP I think we are closer knit as a family. We know what it's like to go through real stuff, and so we stick together. We would be completely different if CP wasn't a part of our lives. Life would be easier, there would be no surgeries to go through, sure, but we would have missed out on a lot. We would probably have never met many of our dear friends, I probably wouldn't have learned sign language or started volunteering, the boys may have never gotten involved in theater, and we probably would have never been home schooled. I think of this and I, too, begin to feel thankful for it and how it has impacted our lives.

My devotion today spoke to my heart on this issue and is, in fact, why I brought this story up. I'll give you an excerpt of the part that touched my heart: 

"Do not long for the absence of problems in your life. That is an unrealistic goal since in this world you will have trouble...Begin each day anticipating problems, asking Me to equip you for whatever difficulties you will encounter. The best equipping is my living Presence, My hand that never lets go of yours...Take a lighthearted view of trouble, seeing it as a challenge that you and I together can handle. Remember that I am on your side, and I have overcome the world." ~From Jesus Calling 

Especially during this season before surgery, the moments where I feel upset and frustrated with the problems in life are more than the moments I'm thankful for them. This devotion encouraged me, though, that even in the middle of the struggle, God is still right there, holding on to our hand. Even when we try to wiggle free of His grasp, complaining about our situation, He holds on and promises that someday things will be okay. What an immense blessing.

Thanks for listening. Your Blogger,

 Claire

Our God is in Control

You could plant me like a tree beside a river
You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild
And I would blossom like a flower in the desert
But for now just let me cry

You could raise me like a banner in the battle
Put victory like fire behind my shining eyes
And I would drift like falling snow over the embers
But for now just let me lie

Set me like a star before the morning
Like a sun that steals the darkness from a world asleep
And I'll illuminate the path You've laid before me
But for now just let me be

So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me


  Those are the lyrics to a song called "Show Me" by Audrey Assad. I had trouble making sense of it at first, but a couple of nights ago its meaning hit me. Or at least my interpretation of it, any way. God used it to speak to my heart! 
This is my take on this song:
God can use us in so many different ways, as the song says. (Blossom like a flower...banner in the battle...star before the morning...) But sometimes we just need to be still and and be in Him. (but for now just let me be...God, just stay with me) Sometimes our hearts are just craving Him--so we need to slow down and give in! Sometimes we can't  just run around serving...because we need to drink in His love first. Yes, during the hour you spend reading your Bible, He could be using you to serve...but in that moment you need to rest and learn. Ecclesiastes 3 says there is a time for everything...a time to be silent and a time to speak...a time to weep and a time to laugh...
    This song and verse spoke to me on so many different levels. Sometimes I don't want to joke around with anyone, I just need to be alone and cry.  Other times I don't want anyone to ask me about these surgeries...I just want to laugh and forget about it. But this verse says there is a time for  everything--laughing and crying, joy and fear. I'm so thankful that there is. Because sometimes you just need to cry out to God. And sometimes you just need to goof off!
    
I took this month off from volunteering due to Benjamin's surgery. And so as I listened to this song the other night I realized how I have needed to spend time just focusing on Him. I needed to stop serving for a little while and confront my own fears and emotions and let God take them. I like to shove all of my problems way down deep and turn all of my attentions to the orphans or volunteering or whatever He's recently placed on my heart. It has been good for me to just lay down and drink Him in. 

       I'm trying to be with God, figuring out that He really is faithful in everything. That is a really good place to be in, y'all.

   I won't lie. I kind of want to lock the doors to our house and not let anyone in sometimes.  But we can't do that. And, honestly, we would miss out if we did. Sometimes my inner-hermit comes out though, especially during surgeries. :)
  
  A friend of mine had some hard medical news this week. She called to give us an update, and despite all that she was going through at that moment, she took the time to pray for ME and MY family. She ministered to my on-the-verge-of-tears heart even though her own was sad. Even though surgeries make me never want to talk to anyone...I know I can't do that. Because God's plan IS to raise me up. 
    He has a lot of people needing to hear of His Love...and we are called to show His Love. We can't just spend all of our time "Drinking in" and none "giving out". And if we lock the doors to our house, just us and the Bible, then we will be the only people profiting from it! 
    James 2:14-17 says this: "What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food,  and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit?  Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead."

Dead. Faith without works is dead. I don't want to hold all of this goodness in to myself! That would be worse that baking Amish friendship bread without giving it to your neighbors! I want to drink in and be filled...only to go give it all out again. 

    

   So I am going to be with God right now...I am going to try to savor these moments where He grows me and stretches me by hard things. But I am also going to go out and feed His sheep. 

   What about you? I encourage you to go encourage someone else this week, no matter if you yourself are going through a hard time. 

Your Blogger,

 Claire 

P.S.--my parents and Benjamin are currently on the plane to the Frozen Tundra, aka Minnesota. He has surgery tomorrow...and we so appreciate your prayers!! 

My ramblings...

Dear Readers,

 Well, hello there! I apologize for not having blogged in...forever! I keep writing blog posts in my head but just haven't had time to sit down and write them out. Actually, I don't have time right now! But I'm going to write one any way because it's rather cathartic and I need to. So there. (And I wonder why I don't have good time management..hhmm...)

  

    December is upon us! Our Christmas trees are up and decorated, the radio is playing Christmas music, and we had hot chocolate last night.  I love this month! I especially love remembering Christmases past...so many laughs!! 


 But three of our family will leave later this month for surgery. That kind of puts a damper on the mood, huh? Actually, it does a lot more than that. I hate surgeries with a passion, and the fact that there are two in the very-near future stinks. Some days we can sing Christmas carols in the car at the top of our lungs and forget about it...but some days we can't. And I hate it when I can't just stick my head in the sand and forget about it, because surgeries are just plain depressing. ha

  
 I so appreciate your prayers for my family during this season!!

With all of this upcoming surgery, I can't help but wonder about the people around the world who need this same surgery that Benjamin is having this summer, but don't have access to medical care.  What about the children with Cerebral Palsy in Africa? What do they do? Although I hate that Benjamin has to have this surgery, I am ultimately grateful that my family has access to medical care for it. Please be praying for those people around the world who desperately need surgery but are unable to get it. 

    I also can't help but think of those who are in nursing homes, hospitals, institutions, and prisons this Christmas. As we drove through our neighborhood the other night, admiring the decorations and laughing as a family, I started thinking about the children all over the world whose families have abandoned them. In that moment I just wanted them all in the car with us, laughing, too! I wish no child ever had to watch a birthday or a Christmas pass without a family to love on them and tell them they are special and valued.  As hard as finding joy can be sometimes, I know it must be even harder when you are in a prison, hospital,  or nursing home. 

 Two years ago (okay..I think it was two years ago! I'm really not sure haha!)   I had the privilege of getting to sign some carols  at an Alzheimer's Home around Christmastime. This year I keep thinking of the residents, remembering how they kept asking my Mom to take them home. The staff did a wonderful job making this place home-like and cheerful, but there was a big difference between that and a HOME with your own family. 

    As you celebrate this Christmas with your dear ones, please remember those people who don't have family near to hug and hold! 
    But as you keep them near in your thoughts and prayers, take this time to thank the God who is with them and you for the great gift He has bestowed us with: His Son. 

Love, 
Your Blogger

P.S.-- "Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast." ~Psalm 139:7-10

Isn't this a beautiful reminder that God is with us, around our Christmas tree, but also in those prisons, nursing homes, and institutions around the world? Thank you, Lord! 

    

Good Medicine

A cheerful heart is good medicine.

Proverbs 17:22 NIV

Dear Readers,
My brother, Mason, had surgery on May 21. He is home and recovering, but that is why I have not posted in a while. With Mason taking all this medicine to help him deal with the pain, it made me think of the above bible verse. That is a great verse and very true. Laughter is better than Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Aspirin, and all the other medicines out there. Besides -- when Mason is taking medicine, he's asleep half the time. He hates that so much he actually has reduced the amount he takes! I'm sure Mason - and everyone else in the world - prefers to laugh than sleep! I know I do!However, I'm an awful joke teller... I always mess up the punch lines. But I enjoy reading jokes, especially in my favorite book series, Mitford. And especially by one of my favorite characters in Mitford- Uncle Billy! (If you've read the series, you know that Uncle Billy is a dear old man who's the king of jokes in this sweet town.) So here are three jokes from Uncle Billy and others.

"A preacher died, don't you know, an' was a-waitin' in line at th' Pearly Gates.
Ahead of 'im is a feller in blue jeans, a leather jacket, an' a tattoo on 'is arm. Saint Pete says to th' feller with th' tattoo, says, 'Who are you, so I'll know whether t' let you in th' Kingdom of Heaven?' Feller says, 'I'm Tom Such an' Such, I drove a taxicab in New York City."

Saint Pete looks at th' list, says, 'Take this silk robe an' gold staff an' enter th' Kingdom of Heaven!' Then he hollers 'Next!' Th' preacher steps up, sticks out 'is chest, says, 'I'm th' Rev'rend Jimmy Lee Tapscott, pastor of First Baptist Church f'r forty-three years.' Saint Pete looks at 'is list, don't you know, says, 'Take this flour sack robe an' hick'ry stick an' enter th' Kingdom of Heaven.' Preacher says, 'Wait a dadjing minute! That man was a taxicab driver an' he gits a silk robe an' a gold staff?' Saint Pete says, 'When you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed.' "

Joke courtesy of Jan Karon; In This Mountain, Ch. 14 and The Mitford Bedside companion. ( And, of course, Uncle Billy)

This next one is my family's favorite!

"Wellsir, this old feller an' 'is wife was settin' on th' porch, an' she said, 'Guess what I'd like t' have? He said, 'What's that?' She said, 'A great big bowl of vaniller ice cream with choc'late sauce and nuts on top!' He says, 'Boys howdy, that'd be good. I'll go down to th' store and git us some.' Wife said, 'Now, that's vaniller ice cream with choc'late sauce and nuts. Better write it down.' He said, 'Don't need t' write it down, I can remember.'
Little while later, he come back. Had two ham san'wiches. Give one t' her. She looked at that san'wich, lifted th' top off, said, 'You mulehead, I told you t' write it down, I wanted mustard on mine!'

Joke courtesy of Jan Karon; A New Song, Ch. 2 and The Mitford Bedside Companion.

This next one isn't in Uncle Billy dialect, you'll notice. I don't know who wrote it... it's off the Internet. It's still pretty funny, though!

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. I pass gas HUNDREDS of times a day." He tells the doctor that it's silent and odorless. Then he says, "Doctor, you won't believe this but I've passed gas ten times while we've been talking." So the doctor gives him some pills, "Here, take two of these every day and come see me in two weeks." The guy comes back in one week complaining, "Doctor, what's in these pills? I still have the gas, it's still silent, but now it smells absolutely TERRIBLE!" The doctor says, "Well, that takes care of your sinus problem, now let's work on your hearing." Joke courtesy of Lifeprint.com

I hope you've enjoyed your dose of jokes!

Sincerely,

Your laughing blogger Claire