Hug and Release

Dearest Readers,

I only have a couple of more days before school, theater, and various other obligations will consume my time, so I'm taking advantage of it by giving you a much needed update. :)

Happy 2015! This new year holds much change for my family and I. I'm not always a big fan of change, even if I know it's going to be a good thing. I hold on to my people, these moments, tightly, and with both hands. Sometimes it's a good thing--like when I left Argentina, I knew I had held on to every second so tightly that I couldn't have possibly missed a moment. It gave me satisfaction knowing I had cherished every.single.second to its fullest.

Sometimes, though, I take it too far. When I was little, I used to hug for so long my mom had to say, "Hug and release!" as a verbal reminder for me not to tackle my victim friend. Haha. I'm still like that in so many ways. God gives me something good, and I get so excited about it that I clench it up so tightly  it doesn't have any chance of escaping my grasp. Until He decides its time for that friend to move, or that chapter to end, or time for me to go to college. Somehow He wrenches what I've been holding so tightly and takes it back.

I've been excited about beginning the room mate search. I shortened my biography down to the required characters and emailed a couple of girls all in one day. I had a lovely correspondence with one, and despite finding out that she will most likely be rooming with a friend, got excited about meeting her when I got to campus. I was excited and kept checking my email.

My enthusiasm sort of fizzled out after I told my best friend I was going to Mississippi for college. It was like all of a sudden I was reminded of the bitter in the bittersweet of 2015 and all of its change. Until Monday, I hadn't checked my email in weeks.

I decided to log in on Monday, though, and was surprised to find a couple of  emails from girls looking for room mates. One even read my blog (if you're out there, hi, Lauren! :)), which totally touched my heart.


It's all a little overwhelming, to tell you the truth. It's being so excited for the future one moment, and so very sad at the end of this chapter the next. It's desperately needing friendships to be unchanged, but knowing that I can't make things stay exactly the same no matter how tight my grasp is. It's my heart swelling with the excitement of a new adventure and moving to my parents' home that I've always loved. It's wondering how sweet a long distance friendship might be and how cherished the reunions would become? It's figuring out where it's acceptable to go without makeup on in MS, because in AZ it's pretty much a free for all and my sweatpants really enjoy their freedom. :)

I'm so thankful for 2014. And 2013. And all of the past nine years that I have spent in Arizona, with its beautiful sunsets and so many loved ones. I'm so thankful for 2015. I know I will cram it with many, many memories in this state. I also know it will begin to fill up with new adventures and memories from Mississippi, and they'll be just as beautiful and precious. My prayer for this year is that I stop clutching each moment for dear life, and am able to cherish each moment with open hands that accept the fact that I am not in control. I know this year I'm going to have a gentle voice in my head telling me to "release". I never liked hearing that as a child, and I'm not going to like it now. But you know what? That release just means there's another hug coming later.

His plans are so much greater than any we could imagine. I know that's said a lot in church, and so you might have read that without even a thought, but take a moment to imagine that it's true. I know it might not seem like it in your present circumstances, but His plans include so many unseen things and a beautiful eternity that we can't even contemplate. He is good.

What is your prayer for this new year? I'm praying for you to have many cherished moments and peace in the knowledge that God is always in control.

Happy New Year! Feliz Año Nuevo!

Yours always,
Claire

The thoughts in my head

Dearest Readers,

Let me say I am so sorry for my hiatus! I have wanted to blog several times this month, but every time I sat down at the computer my fingers wanted to talk about what's on my mind. And what's on my mind has been quite boring.

Today, however, I bit the bullet and decided to see what words I could come up with and cross my fingers that it satisfies you, patient readers. So here goes.

What's on my mind??

The fact that this is my last year of high school. Although Pre-Calculus and SAT practice have made me long to just be accepted to a college already, the reality is that I am not even close to being ready for this. And, quite frankly, I find it ridiculous that society asks 18 year olds to make such a huge decision. Maybe I need to go into law or something and change it to 21 years old. That seems much better, don't you think?

I know, however, that I will never feel ready for this next step--even if I changed the age of incoming freshmen to 30.

But this is all very boring reading because practically every high school senior has felt the same exact way. So I'll leave that there and move on to one of my favorite subjects.

I hope you're not tired of hearing about Argentina, because I'm pretty sure I will never run out of things to say about it.

It's been a year since I was there. That seems so strange to me. I can still feel the trembling excitement and disbelief I felt as that plane touched down in Buenos Aires. It was so surreal to be back.

The bus outside La Puerta Abierta

I didn't know when I would be back last year, so I took lots of pictures like that one--scenery that I want to remember for always. That knowledge led me to embrace every single moment, unwilling to go to bed until I literally fell into it in exhaustion. This summer, the summer that's missing that view, I'm thankful for all of those minutes I had. 

Another shot of the church--hey, I know those people! :)

I'm so glad I took these pictures. So many sweet memories were made inside those buildings. 

Last Saturday my whole family gathered to watch Argentina play in the World Cup. We easily got swept away in the fervent passion of the game, shouting and cheering and celebrating when Argentina won. We swapped stories of our time there during the commercial breaks. I put on Mason's Messi jersey when it looked like Argentina was going to lose and needed a little more good luck. :) 

The school connected to the church

After the game we got on Facebook to find dozens of posts from Argentines we know and love--literally cheering online. We joined in, and as I sat there, surrounded by my family loving this country from afar, and connected to loved ones over there by social media, I was just amazed. Three years ago we didn't even know anything about Argentina. And yet here we are today, with so many dear ones and wonderful experiences in that country I love so much. 

That gives me hope for this whole college thing. I know that my plans and desires are not the same as God's. I'm stubborn and so I will most likely kick and scream all the way to wherever He wants me to go next year--but I know I have to trust Him. When we went to Argentina the first time I thought I knew what I wanted, too. I wanted to stay in the same exact house as my mom and brothers, and when I found out that wasn't happening I kicked and screamed and was a stubborn mule. 

But then. You all know how much I love the family that hosted me. I love them so much I went back and stayed with them another year. I love them so much I know I will be back again. 

God's plans are good. They're more than that--they're infinitely better than anything we could possibly dream up.

So I look at my pictures from Argentina, and I remind myself that He knows what He's doing. I don't have to be a stubborn mule this time, because I know I will be fine once I get there. I'll just keep reminding myself of that. 

In the meantime, I have a fútbol game to watch. :) Vamos Argentina!!!! 

Hugs to you, dear Readers! Thanks for sticking with me through the end. I hope your summer is going well, and I hope you are cheering for Argentina in the World Cup! ;) I promise not to desert you for so long again. 

Your blogger,

 Claire

It is currently today, not tomorrow.

Just in case you were wondering!

Dear Readers,

Yesterday we fished out one of Mom's high school year books. The pages are covered with well wishes and stories from her friends. I have always loved reading through Mom's old yearbooks and scrapbooks, seeing a part of her life growing up in Tupelo, MS. I especially love to open a book of hers to find a note fall out addressed to "Carol Leigh".

Next weekend we are going to visit Azusa Pacific University. I'm pretty excited because I've heard great things about the school and they have some wonderful missions opportunities. We've visited Mississippi State and Grand Canyon University this year, as well. While I love looking at these wonderful schools, the thought of leaving and attending one is a bit...overwhelming.

One of Mom's friends wrote in her yearbook that she knew they would always be close--no matter if they lived in separate states. My Mom has tried many times over the years to reach this friend, but she hasn't been able to. That breaks my heart. 

Dear ones from Seussical last semester!

I don't want to lose touch with any of our dear ones someday. I want to be just as close in ten years as we are now. Why does change have to come along and ruin this good thing we have going here?

Another from Seussical :)

 I know that God has plans (great plans!) for each of us, and I know that will carry some of us away from our little patch of desert. 

And I'm going to have to be okay with that. (because, you know, kidnapping is illegal. :)) 

From Honk! 2012

But today I'm not okay with it, and I don't know that I will be in a year and a half, either. Goodbyes are hard no matter how great that college/job opportunity/whatever is.

They might kill me for this one, but it is too cute to not share!
From Snoopy! 2010

It will be okay, though, because we will all be right where God needs us to be, wherever that is. (and it may even be right here all along!) 

So for today I'm going to hold tomorrow gingerly, and cherish every moment of today. I'm going to let God take care of the future and try to stop worrying about it. And instead of wondering if we will be just as close ten years from now, I'm going to hug my dear ones close today. 

I encourage you to do the same, dear Readers--squeeze every moment out of today and anticipate the plans God has for you without fear. 

Now go hug your dear ones long and close. 

Your blogger,

 Claire